Random Pro of the Week: Doug Christie

Posted by on February 13, 2013 in Random Pro of the Week | Comments Off

 

Once flashed the sign 62 times in a game. There’s only 48 minutes in a game.

There have been tons of villains in sports and fans are inherently going to dislike a few. But I don’t think I’ve ever outright hated an athlete more than I hated Doug Christie.

It was all of his histrionics drawn out even more so by playing on a team full of prima donnas who never won anything. Vlade flopped. Webber always complained. Peja was soft. The toughest players on those Sacramento Kings teams were the point guards – Mike Bibby and Jason Williams.

The fact that Christie wasn’t all that good of a player but was loved by Kings fans made it worse. His best years were in the basketball wasteland of Toronto and while he cracked the starting lineup of one of the best teams in the NBA at the time, he always just seemed like a little bitch.

Which he was.

Look, we’re all for showing love to our spouse and supporting Mrs. Throwback Attack at every possible turn, but even she admits that bumper stickers like this one are way over the top. Any sane-minded woman would.

A strong marriage is important, but Christie wasn’t in a marriage. He was living in a totalitarian state. And was just an unimportant role player in it. Kind of like with the Kings.

Christie would hold up a signal for his wife seemingly every time he took a breath on the court and it was beyond ridiculous. Furthermore, he and his wife get re-married every year on their anniversary. Not exchange vows. Or celebrate. Re-married. Dress. Tux. The whole nine yards.

How much of a whipped bastard is he?

Well, Jackie Christie would get pissed any time he would make so much as eye contact with another woman; Doug was forbidden from dressing in his own home locker room in case a female reporter walked in – he had to get dressed in an auxiliary room, per Jackie’s request orders; oh, and Doug wasn’t allowed to be interviewed by female reporters unless Jackie was at his side.

That’ll be weird on set when they are producing their porn movies together. Oh you didn’t hear?

Then there is this quote from a Sports Illustrated article about Doug joining Jackie’s handbag-designing business:

“I have some designs I’ve drawn and she has designs and asks my opinion. We just try to be creative and artistic.”

Wow.

We’ll leave you with this gem, our second-most memorable moment of Doug Christie’s career (after the constant signaling to his wife). Remember the Christie-Rick Fox fight in the final preseason game before the 2002 season? Well, as the players scuffled in the tunnel, who comes to the rescue? Jackie Christie. Of course she does. And she’s swinging a purse at Fox. Wonder if Doug designed that one.

The video is here, on a Turkish website. No joke, it’s not on YouTube. Trust us, the site is safe.

 

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